Outtakes
by Patch Cipriano's Angel
Summary: Just an assortment of one-shots.  Sorry can't think of a better summary at the moment. Humor/Parody
1. Season One, Part I

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Okay, I was watching the Vampire Diaries on DVD when this fanfic began to map itself out in my mind. Now, I know you'll probably notice striking similarities between this fanfic and another titled "Deleted Scenes". Fear not, however, I have permission from Lostie Winchester Salvatore Linus to post this story. If you haven't read "Deleted Scenes" please read it now. As usual, feedback? Always welcome. Even encouraged!

**WARNING! Craziness, swearing, randomness, wackiness and a whole lot of other fun things.**

* * *

**Outtake from "Unpleasantville".**

"Elena, would you like to dance?" Damon asked with a smirk. Elena beamed "I would_ love _to make out with - uh - I mean _dance_ with you, Damon." Elena said, taking his hand. "But - but - " Stefan stuttered as Damon lead Elena out past the dancefloor and out of the gym. Stefan, Jeremy, Jenna, Caroline and Bonnie stared after them, jaws dropped.

* * *

**Outtake from any episode.**

"No one understands me!" Jeremy cried, throwing a book across the room. Damon ducked as the projectile object came his way. "What the hell?" he muttered "I thought you gave up this emo act?" Damon asked Jeremy, who spun on him, eyes welling up with tears "I am not emo!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. Elena entered the room "What's going on? Is Jeremy going emo, again?" "I'm _not _emo!" Jeremy wailed. Stefan walked into the room "Wait. Jeremy's emo, again?" "S_top calling me emo!_" Jeremy screamed stalking out of the room. "At least my journal understand me." Jeremy whimpered. Damon, Elena and Stefan looked at each other, confused. "When did he go emo, again?" Elena asked. "_I'm not emo!_" Jeremy shrieked. Alaric walked into the room, nodding "Oh, he's totally emo." "Yeah." "That's what I thought." everyone agreed.

* * *

**Outtake from "Miss Mystic Falls".**

Damon and Elena walked out into the courtyard. "Damon's _hot_." Jenna murmured, then started. She looked over to Alaric, worried that he heard her. Alaric was too busy staring at Damon and Elena, an unreadable expression on his face. "Damon's _gorgeous_." He murmured then backpedalled "Um, I meant, _Elena's_ gorgeous . . ." he muttered looking around suspiciously. No one seemed to notice. _Damn. Damon's fine. . ._Alaric thought.

**Out on the courtyard:**

The smirk Damon had from overhearing Jenna slid off his face and was replaced with an expression of shock.

* * *

**Outtake from "Children Of The Damned".**

Stefan's shovel clanged when it hit something at the bottom of the hole. "Is that it?" Elena asked. Stefan dropped his shovel at the edge of the hole, then hunched over. Elena heard him grunting. "Stefan?" she asked, worried. Stefan pulled something out of the hole. It was a jar full of coins. "Jackpot!" Stefan crowed, triumphantly. "Um, Stefan. I thought we were looking for the Grimoire?" Elena asked. "Well, what do you know?" Elena and Stefan whirled around. Damon was standing at the edge of the wood. "This is an interesting turn of events." Stefan smiled widely "You're right it is!" Damon looked at him, puzzled. "Look what I found!" Stefan positively squealed delightedly. Damon's face lit up "Is that our old jar of coins?" He asked, excitedly. Stefan nodded, "Yeah!" Damon hopped into the hole with him. "Is it all there? No one stole any did they?" Elena looked at them before saying "What the hell? I thought we were looking for the Grimoire. . . " "Hee hee!" Stefan giggled. Wait - Stefan _giggled?_"God, it's been underground for-ev-er!" Stefan said, relieved. Damon chuckled "I know!" Elena threw her hands into the air, crying "I give up!" she stalked away, unnoticed by the brothers.

* * *

**Outtake from "Fool Me Once".**

"She's not here." Damon muttered in disbelief, kicking the lifeless body before him. Stefan raced to his brother's side. "Damon." He murmured gripping his brother's shoulder. Damon shook his head then threw the blood bag at the tomb wall, it broke splattering the wall with blood. "_She's not here!_" Damon yelled. Stefan shook his head "That _bitch!_" Damon looked at Stefan in surprise "That_ whore!_" Stefan yelled. "Are you drunk?" Damon asked, confused. "Do you realize what this means?" Stefan yelled. Damon took a step back, shaking his head in confusion "No." "It means that, that little slut must've been banging our father, too!" Damon looked at Stefan, a mixture of amusement and surprise on his face. "Um, Stefan, I think you've finally lost it."

**Rewrite of the same scene:**

"Shh. It's okay, Damon." Stefan said, soothingly to his big brother. Damon was barely hanging on by a thread "She left me, Stefan. She really and truly left me!" Stefan patted his brother's shoulder, saying calmly "It's okay, Damon. We'll just hunt the bitch down." Damon looked at Stefan hopefully "Really?" he asked, eyes shining. Stefan nodded "Yep." he replied. "Can we - can we tie her to a bed and torture her until she loves us again?" Damon asked, his voice quivering with barely concealed delight. "Oh, totally!" Stefan agreed. "Damon!" Elena cried running into the chamber. She stumbled back a couple steps when Stefan and Damon turned towards her, eyes wild. _Oh, damn._ Elena thought, eyes springing open wide. She spun on her heel and ran from the tomb, biting her lip to keep from screaming in fear. Damon and Stefan took off after her yelling "Katherine! Wait! Come back! We need to talk to you!"

* * *

**Outtake from any episode.**

Damon jumped when a hand gripped his thigh tightly under the table. He turned to his right. Jenna smirked and winked at him. Damon just nodded, silently in reply. And jumped again when a hand, once again gripped his thigh under the table. This time Alaric winked at him. Damon gulped audibly. Stefan, Elena and Jeremy snickered over their plates as Damon was repeatedly assaulted by Jenna and Alaric. "Finally. Suitable punishment for him." Elena giggled. "It's not funny." Stefan choked out, laughing. "When do you think Bonnie should remove the spell?" Jeremy asked. Elena glanced at Damon, who was throwing a pleading look her way. Then back to Jeremy, asking perplexed "What spell?"

* * *

**Outtake from any episode.**

Alaric Saltzman was sitting on a barstool in the Mystic Grill. His drink in front of him, forgotten. He was deep in thought, pondering something that has been bothering him since his first day teaching at Mystic Falls High. _How does Stefan's hair stay up like that? How much mousse does he use in it? Does it naturally grow - ? _Alaric was pulled from his thoughts as the boy in question walked by with his Great, Big, Shining Hair. And once again, Alaric failed to solve the Mystery of Stefan Salvatore's Hair.

* * *

**Outtake from "A Few Good Men".**

Damon pulled back from the dark haired girls throat, sighing contentedly. The lights came on. Damon winced. "Hey, Damon. Have you seen Stefan?" Elena asked then froze when she saw the girls, dancing around the room in their underwear. Elena's face clouded with rage. "Damn you Damon!" She shrieked. Damon plastered an innocent look on his face before asking "What'd I do?" "I can't _believe _you're cheating on me!"Elena screamed. Damon fell back a couple steps. "Um, okay. A: When did we start dating? B: What the hell is going on inside that head of yours?" Elena's eyes filled with tears, as she yelled "As if you don't know!" she stalked out of the room. Damon heard the front door slam. A girl turned to him "So, is she, like, your girlfriend?" Damon looked at her as though he thought she were insane "No. She's dating my brother." As if on cue Stefan entered the parlor. "Damon." he said, shocked taking a step back. "What the hell are you doing?" Damon looked around the room with an expression that said it should've been obvious. "Are you cheating on Elena?" Stefan shrieked. Damon reeled back a couple steps "Dude, what the hell have you been drinking?" "Damn it, Damon! Don't you understand? You're supposed to be hopelessly in love with Elena! That's how this show works! It's the shows lifeblood!" Damon froze "Show?" "Yes! Damon! You're supposed to pine after Elena! Not whore around!" Damon looked confused "We're in a TV show?" Stefan nodded slowly "Yes . . ." "So, does that mean we aren't real . . .?"

**Rewrite of the same scene:**

Stefan entered the parlor. "No! Buzzkill Bob!" Damon cried, dramatically. "Sorry to interrupt, Damon. But I have some very distressing news." Damon stepped away from the girls. "What is it? Stefan! What's wrong?" Stefan's eyes filled with tears as he said "L.J. Smith was _fired!_ She can't write our stories anymore!" Damon looked confused "L.J. Smith? The _writer_? How can you _fire_ a _writer?_" Stefan sobbed "That's not the worst of it. Our life stories? They were _hired works!_" Damon blinked "Whoa. Wait a minute. Say what you want about me, but my life ain't for _sale_." "Apparently it is." Damon turned to Stefan, who was looking at him seriously "Do you realize how many fans you have? I'll tell you! You have more than _me_! You arrogant bastard!" "Why was she fired?" Damon asked, unfazed by Stefan's outburst. "She was fired because she was going to end the stories with Delena rather than what the publishers wanted, Stelena." Stefan said tiredly. "Delena? Stelena? What the hell is that?" Damon asked, puzzled. "Delena is Damon and Elena together. Stelena is Stefan and Elena together." Damon's eyes lit up. "So the writer was gonna put me with your girl! I bet when you heard that you _compelled them to fire her_!" Damon crowed. Stefan snorted, shaking his head "No. I wasn't worried. Because what happens in the books doesn't affect what happens in the TV show. Much." with that Stefan departed. Damon looked at the Tri-Delts, who had frozen, they looked at Damon with a mixture of disgust and confusion. Damon smirked "Well, if you'll excuse me ladies. I'm off to pine after a woman I'll never have." He said as he left the room.

* * *

**Outtake from "Haunted".**

After staking Vicki, Stefan whipped his cellphone from his pocket. He dialed Damon's number. "Damon?" he asked when the call was answered. "_What?_" the older Salvatore replied. "I need your help." "Where are you?" Stefan glanced at his surroundings "The school parking lot. I'm behind - " "I know." The voice said from behind him. It echoed in his phone too. Stefan turned around. Damon was standing behind him, holding his cell to his ear. "Oh, thank God." Stefan said, relieved. His words echoed through the phones. "I'm going to hang up, now." Damon said, still holding his phone to his ear. Stefan nodded "Right."


	2. Season One, Part II

**Okay, this is what I have so so far. **

**The last "Outtake from the previous chapter was an homage to an episode of Supernatural. **

**Season 5, episode "My Bloody Valentine".**

** A couple of these "Outtakes" come from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. **

**Can you guess which ones? **

**Anyway, I'm not planning to change the category to Crossover, unless I get more ideas for SPN and TVD crossover "Outtakes".**

** As I said before, this is all I have for now. **

**I think my muse is running dry. **

**Damon! Keep your mitts off my muse! Stop draining my muse dry! **

**Freakin' Vampires . . . :(**

**

* * *

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**Outtake from "Fool me once".**

**The Tomb:**

"Come on." Damon grabbed Elena's elbow. Elena pulled free of his grip and approached Bonnie "Check communications?" She asked the other girl, who nodded. They both whipped out walkie-talkies. "Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check." they both said into the radios in unison. Bonnie and Elena nodded gravely at each other. Elena walked into the tomb with Damon. "Echo 2 to Echo 1" Bonnie spoke into her walkie. "This is Echo 1, go ahead." Elena replied.

**

* * *

**

**Outtake from "Bloodlines".**

**Bree's Bar:**

Elena typed furiously onto her phone. Damon leaned towards her, "What're you doing?" He asked. Elena glanced at him, annoyed "Updating my Facebook status. Changing my relationship status to 'Single.' " Damon looked at her curiously, "Why?" Elena rolled her eyes "Why do you think?" she asked. Damon's eyes lit up. "So does that mean I have a chance now?" Elena snorted "Hell no." She hopped off her bar stool and walked over to the blond girl that they had been socializing with. The girl held her arm out to Elena, who linked arms with her. They both waved at Damon before leaving the bar. Damon looked shocked. At least he did until one guy snickered "Dude! You just got dumped for a chick!" Damon glowered at the man that spoke, and let loose a guttural growl.

**

* * *

**

**Outtake from any episode.**

**The Mystic Grill:**

"So, about the Tomb Vampires . . . " Damon said. He, Stefan and Elena were meeting in the Mystic Grill. After thirty minutes of discussing what to do, a middle aged blond woman finally slid out of her booth, from behind them scoffing and muttering "Vampires aren't real." Damon, Elena and Stefan stared at her in shock. A waitress approached the woman, "Here's the bill, Ms. Smith." The blond woman left to pay up front. Damon, Stefan and Elena glanced at each other, confused. "Do we know her from somewhere?" Stefan asked, puzzled. Elena blinked "You know, she looked kinda familiar." A waitress walked by and Damon flagged her down, "Excuse me, Miss. But do you know who the woman, who had the booth behind ours, is?" The waitress nodded "Yeah. She's L. J. Smith." then walked away. Elena looked at the two vampires, perplexed "Who's L. J. Smith?"

**

* * *

**

**Crossover Outtake. Supernatural and Vampire Diaries.**

**The Salvatore Boardinghouse:**

Sam Winchester hurried out of the Library, his ears were still ringing. He was running blindly down the hallway when he literally bumped into Stefan. "Sam." Stefan said in surprise. "Sorry." Sam replied, hurriedly. Stefan shook his head, as if to say "Don't worry about it." then asked "Have you seen Damon?" Sam shook his head, smiling grimly "Yeah. He's in the Library." Stefan nodded "Thank you, Sam." he murmured walking towards the Library. Sam shouted after him "Dude! Trust me! You don't wanna go in there!" Stefan glanced back to Sam before replying "It's okay, Sam. I'm sure it's nothing I can't handle." Stefan walked to the Library, he could hear the shouting from the other side of the door. Apparently, Dean and Damon were having an argument. Again. Sighing heavily, Stefan entered. "You are so barbaric!" Damon shouted, before he and Dean were in each other's faces, shouting at the top of their lungs. "Guys!" Stefan shouted. They both turned to him yelling in unison "_What?_" Stefan sighed "What the hell is going on?" he cried. Damon opened his mouth to reply at the same time Dean snapped "Dude, leave him out of this! It's between you and me!" Damon threw him a searing glance before saying quickly "Okay, if Cavemen and Astronauts got into a fight, who would win?" Dean rolled his eyes. Stefan set the file he was holding on the desk, before saying "This is what you two were arguing about for two whole hours?" "Yeah." Dean and Damon said in unison. Stefan sighed once more, crossing his arms before saying "Do the Cavemen have weapons?" Dean smirked at Damon, who replied by glowering back.


	3. Season One, Part III Crossover Edition

**Okay, I _know_ this chapter is mainly "Crossover Outtakes" but they were the only thing that came to mind. So . . . .**

**Okay, gotta get this over with:**

**Warning! Craziness, Wackiness, Randomness and a whole lot of other fun things!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, Charmed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. ('Cause if I did, I'd rich and happy! But, I'm not! So there!)**

**Special thanks: Thank you**

**Magicangel33**

**XXTeamXXSalvatoreXX**

**Lostie Winchester Salvatore Linus. (Thing won't let me spell it right!)**

**

* * *

**

**Outtake from "Friday Night Bites".**

Damon cleared his throat. Resting his elbows on Stefan's desk, he clasped his hands together. "I've been thinking. Been doing some soul-searching - " Stefan cut him off with "Did you find one?" Damon froze, forehead crinkling. " . . . .I'm still looking. . ." Stefan nodded with a smirk and left the room, leaving Damon behind him, stuttering.

**

* * *

**

**Outtake from "Unpleasantville".**

Noah advanced on Elena, who quivering backed towards a desk. Damon burst into the room saying cheerfully "Elena! I knew I'd find you here!" Elena looked at Damon, relieved "Damon! Thank God! Help me!" Damon shook his head "No. Sorry. Can't. The script says I wasn't supposed to come in here for another fifteen minutes. Have fun!" With that Damon left the room. Elena stared after him shell-shocked, stammering "But - Damon!"

**

* * *

**

**Crossover Outtake, Vampire Diaries and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.**

"Oh, my God! Are you _twelve?_" Buffy Summers snapped, hands on her hips, glowering at Damon and Stefan. Stefan blinked at her "You - you aren't supposed to be _real._" Buffy snorted "And this is coming from a _vampire?_ _Hello?_" Stefan cast his eyes to the floor "Good point."

**

* * *

**

**Crossover Outtake, Vampire Diaries and Supernatural.**

Damon entered the Salvatore Boardinghouse. The keys to Dean Winchester's beloved Impala in his hand. "Dean!" Damon called. "What?" The elder Winchester shouted back. "Um, I had a little problem with your car -" "_You did what?_" Dean yelled. Suddenly, he was running down the hallway and in Damon's face. Damon smirked "As I was saying, I had a little problem with your car. And a lamp post." Dean's eyes widened. "Oh, no." He snatched the keys from Damon and rushed outside. Dean's car had a big dent on the front bumper. When Dean saw it, he clamped a hand over his mouth and let out a wail of grief. "Oh, no. Baby, what'd he do to you?" Dean dropped to his knees beside his car. Touching the dent, Dean's eyes darkened with anger. "Damon, you diabolical _fiend._ This isn't over, Salvatore." Dean growled.

**Inside the Boardinghouse:**

Sam looked at Damon, curiously "How'd you get Dean to hand over the keys, anyway? He hardly ever lets _me_ drive the car, as it is." Damon smirked "I never said anything about having his _permission_ to drive the car."

**

* * *

**

**Crossover Outtake, Vampire Diaries and Charmed.**

"The Power of Three will set us free. The Power of Three will set us free." Three brunette women chanted. Stefan glanced sideways at his brother, curiously. Damon was grinning. _Of course, he was _smiling._ Trapped in some parallel-alternate universe with three women. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what he was thinking!_ Stefan thought bitterly. "So," Stefan said aloud, "Do you think you can help us?" Damon threw Stefan a wounded look, which Stefan replied to, with a "Don't even _think_ about it!" look. The youngest girl winked at Damon. "Phoebe!" the oldest snapped. "But, Prue! Can't they stay for a little while?" Phoebe whined. "We _really_ have to go!" Stefan insisted. "No, no. Not so fast, brother. We should at least stick around for lunch." Stefan gave Damon an agonized look. Which Damon replied with a smirk. _Crap._ Stefan thought, _this oughtta be good._

**

* * *

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**Crossover Outtake, Vampire Diaries and Angel.**

"Dude!" Damon said, scrutinizing Angel with an amused look on his face. "Would you stop staring at me!" Angel said, annoyed. Damon glanced back at Stefan, smirking "He looks so much like you, it ain't funny!" Stefan and Angel crossed their arms over their chest before snapping in unison "We look _nothing_ alike!" Damon snickered "Yeah, you do! For one: The hair. It sticks straight up! Does it naturally grow that way?" Stefan and Angel raised their hands to their hair, nervously. "And then there's the brooding foreheads! You both brood to much!" Angel and Stefan looked at each other before shaking their heads, "We don't look alike!" Stefan insisted. "And, then there's the fact that you both feed off _animal _blood! Should I continue?" Damon cackled at their expressions before walking out. As he left the room he said "You know, maybe channel surfing isn't so bad, after all." Stefan sighed, exasperated "I'm _so _gonna kill him." Angel looked at him gravely, "You want help with that?" Stefan smiled, evilly. "Sure. Let's go."


	4. Season One, Part IV More Crossovers

**Okay, so I had an idea for an "Outtake" where Damon sparkles. But, I figured a lot of people would get upset and scream "Sacrilege!" so . . . As usual, feedback? Always welcome! Even encouraged! (Gasp of horror) Just imagine! Isn't that terrible?**

**Anyway, let's get this over with . . .**

**Warning! Craziness, Swearing, Randomness, Wackiness and a whole lot of other fun things.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Twilight or Dexter.**

**Special Thanks:**

**Magicangel33**

**XXTeamXXSalvatoreXX**

**Lostie Winchester Salvatore Linus (Stupid thing still won't let me spell it right!)**

**And my brothers, for giving me the ideas!**

**

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**

**Crossover Outtake Supernatural and Vampire Diaries.**

**The Salvatore Boardinghouse:**

Dean and Sam were arguing. Again. Damon and Stefan were arguing. Again. Sam glared "That's it! I'm out of here!" Stefan glanced at Sam "Yeah. I guess, I'm with him." Stefan and Sam exited the Boardinghouse. Dean and Damon looked at each other and sighed in relief saying in unison "Thank God. They're gone." Dean walked into the library, "Dude. I need a drink." Damon scratched his chin looking thoughtful "Yeah. Me too."

**The driveway of the Boardinghouse:**

Sam and Stefan heard Dean scream in agony. Sam shrugged "At least they're getting along." Stefan nodded saying "You want to go to the Grill. I could really use a drink." Sam nodded, then looked perplexed "Are you old enough to drink?" Stefan smiled revealing his fangs, "Yeah. I am." Sam shrugged and climbed into the driver seat of the Impala.

**

* * *

**

**Outtake from "The Pilot".**

"Hey. Are you okay? Your eye." Elena said, concerned. Stefan blinked and abruptly turned away, "Um, yeah. Are you thirsty? I'm gonna get us a drink." Stefan walked away leaving a shocked Elena behind. He returned within five minutes, holding two fat rabbits. "Here you go!" he said cheerfully, handing her one. Elena's jaw dropped "Oh, it's so cute!" Stefan nodded before saying "Drink up!" Elena looked at him in horror, "Wait. _What?_"

**

* * *

**

**Outtake from "Night of The Comet".**

Elena was in hysterics. Damon was flipping through the photo album and would stop occasionally to show Elena a picture. "What's going on?" Stefan asked from the doorway. Damon smirked, and said without looking at him "Just going through the family photo albums, Stef." Elena giggled at the old picture she was holding, "You were so _cute_, Stefan! But the only thing I can't figure out is how did you get the pictures to look so _old_?" "Photoshop." Damon said. Stefan looked horrified "Damon! Why?" Damon smirked, but didn't say anything. Stefan looked thoughtful for a moment, flickered out of the room and back, before saying conversationally "Damon didn't show his old pictures, did he?" Damon was on his feet in a flash "You wouldn't. Stefan smiled, wickedly "Oh, I would. You _know_ I would!" He handed Elena the picture he held behind his back. Elena burst out laughing.

Damon lunged for Stefan "I _kill _you!" Stefan ran from the room, Damon close behind him. The picture was of Damon in 70's clothes, bell-bottom pants and an afro.

**

* * *

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**Crossover Outtake Vampire Diaries and Dexter.**

Damon Salvatore walked into the warehouse. Inside, everything was covered in plastic. A man was strapped in what looked like a dentist's chair. Another man, wearing a plastic suit, was chopping the first man to pieces. Damon shrugged, looking slightly perturbed. Walking out , he said "And, I thought _I _had issues." Dexter Morgan watched Damon leave, confused, thinking _O-Kay. What the-_

**

* * *

**

**Outtake from any episode.**

Stefan and Elena were arguing. About Twilight. "But, Elena! It's sacrilege!" Stefan insisted. Elena looked at him, shocked "But, it's romantic!" she said. Stefan scoffed "They _sparkle!_ What kind of gaypire sparkles in the _sunlight?_" Elena glared at him, before snarling "That's beside the point! Bella chooses to become a vampire to be with Edward forever! If that's not romantic, I don't know what is!" Stefan shook his head, before laughing mirthlessly "Then you _don't_ know what is! Because that's another thing; what kind of dumbass wants to be a _vampire_?" Elena blushed, then gulped, saying "Damon wanted to!" Stefan snorted "Yeah, that's a _great example!"_


	5. Season Two Part I

**Okay, I just wanted to say, sorry for not updating. Got a _serious_ case of Writers Block. Anyway, let's get this over with:**

**I do not own Vampire Diaries or Supernatural.**

**Warning! Swearing and Sexual References.**

**P.S. If you have any ideas that might help or ideas for more "Outtakes" then, please, share.**

**As always, feedback? Always welcome! Even encouraged!**

* * *

**Outtake from any epsiode**

Elena, Caroline, Stefan and Bonnie trudged to school. Everyone was quiet for a moment. Until Elena spoke up "Have you guys noticed that we skip school for _weeks _at a time and _no one _notices? Or calls our parents?" Stefan nods, before saying "That _is_ strange." Bonnie and Caroline nod in agreement. As Jeremy runs by. A pissed-off Damon chasing him. "Someone, help me!" Jeremy screams as Damon advances on him. Bonnie shook her head "It's like they don't even notice us! Even when we _are_ there!" Damon bites a shrieking Jeremy as Caroline scoffs "Can you say clueless?"

* * *

**Outtake from any episode.**

"Are you sure you can do this, Bonnie?" Elena asked. nervously. Bonnie nodded confidently, "Elena, I can do this. I have to!" Elena nodded, slowly. Bonnie chanted the incantation. Light filled the room, and whited out Elena's vision. When her vision cleared, Bonnie was no longer in sight. In her place was a bunny rabbit. "Oh, god! Bonnie? Is that you?" Bunny/Bonnie looked at her ruefully. Elena scrambled for her phone "I have to call Stefan, maybe he can help!" Bunny/Bonnie squealed in fear, ran and hid. Elena's eyes widened "You're right. Maybe I shouldn't. I'll call Caroline. Just stay where you are Bonnie! I'll turn you back!" With that Elena left the room. Stefan entered quietly from the window, "Elena?" he called, looking around. Then he saw Bunny/Bonnie cowering in a corner, quivering. Stefan's eyes flared with a predatorial light, as he crouched down. He licked his lips hungrily. Bunny/Bonnie's eyes widened as she squealed in fear.

* * *

**Crossover Outtake Supernatural and Vampire Diaries.**

"And that's a wrap!" A loud older guy shouted into a bull horn. Damon looked at Stefan in surprise "What the f-"

**Meanwhile:**

Dean and Sam were panicking over their situation "Dude, what the hell?" Dean hissed to his brother. Sam sighed "I don't know." "Dude! Seriously! What the hell?" "I don't know, Dean!"

**Back to the Salvatores:**

Damon and Stefan rushed from the sound stage, they burst outside and before they could breathe a sigh of relief, they were mobbed by a group of squealing, screaming teenage girls, who were shrieking "_OMG! PAUL! IAN! EEEEK!_" Stefan and Damon ran, afraid for their lives.

**And with the Winchesters:**

Well, they're freaking out. Enough said.

**The Salvatores:**

Stefan sighed in relief, sitting down in front of a computer "Okay, I'm going to see what I can find out about this Ian Somerhalder guy..." Damon laughed "You do that... I need a drink. What the hell is going on, Stef?" Stefan rolled his eyes "That's what I'm trying to figure out, Damon." Then Stefan burst out laughing. Damon looked at Stefan, cautious "What?" "You-you were a _model!_" Stefan choked out, laughing hysterically. Damon was frozen, shock written all over his face. "It's also says you're from Louisiana. You were also in a TV show called Tell Me You Love Me..." Damon looked disgusted, "Sounds kinda chick-flickish..." Stefan shrugged, "Let's see...". Moaning erupted from the speakers. Stefan's eyes widened, then he looked away blushing "Okay. That's a side of you that I never wanted to see.. and never want to see again!" Damon flickered across the room and studied the screen with interest "I was a _porn star?_" He slammed the laptop shut. "We _have_ to get out of here!"

**The Winchesters:**

Dean slammed the laptop shut, saying "Dude, we gotta get out of here!" Sam nodded in agreement.

**The Salvatores:**

Stefan and Damon were arguing. Again. "And just what are you planning to do about it, Damon? I've already seen -" Stefan gestured to the computer. "And thank you, but I need to gouge my eyes out now." Stefan shuddered, "Never wanted to see you like that. And I sure as hell never want to see you like that again!" Damon smirked, "Okay." And began to strip. Stefan's eyes widened "No... no... please, God. No!" Then he blurred out of the room. Damon chuckled "Well, that shut the little bastard up." Then he returned to his quest for whiskey.


	6. Season Two Part II

**Warning: Craziness, Swearing, Randomness, Wackiness and a whole lot of other funs things!**

**This chapter is going to be -SHORT-, because I haven't had much inspiration for "Outtakes".**

**So when Season Two comes out on DVD I'll buy it and watch it and see what I can do. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries. ('Cause if I did, I'd be married to Ian Somerhalder by now, with or without his permission. But, I'm _not, _so there! :P)**

* * *

**Outtake from any episode:**

Damon and Stefan lounged lazily in front of a TV. "What kind of sick bastard is in love with his own sister?" Damon asked disgusted. "Step-sister!" Stefan said, stuffing his face with popcorn. Damon threw Stefan an angry glance, who shrugged. Then they went back to watching _Lost._

* * *

**Behind the Scenes Outtake:**

Stefan looked at Damon, confused. "Dude. Did you know that we're on Twitter?" Damon arched an eyebrow, replying "No. I did not." Stefan blinked then said "Then there must be people impersonating us.." Damon froze, then grinned "No way." Stefan looked at him, surprised "What is it, Damon?" "You know what this means? It means I must must so famous that people want to impersonate me, because they only wish that they could be half as awesome as I am!" Stefan cleared his throat "_We_ must be famous, Damon. We. There are people who impersonate me , too, you know.." Damon smirked, "Whatever. Now, tell me. How many people impersonate the wusspire Bitchward Sullen?" Stefan frowned, "A lot more than you, I'm afraid." Damon scowled "Alright. That's it. I'm kicking his sparkly ass!" Damon blurred out of the Boardinghouse. Stefan paused, then laughed evilly, scratching Edward Cullen's name off his enemies list. "Burn, bitch, burn.." Sefan said, chuckling. Next on the list was Paris Hilton and the Kardashians.

* * *

**Outtake from any episode:**

"... And then I was like 'Bitch, please! I'm Damon Salvatore!' " Tyler Lockwood looked impressed, "OMG! Really? You said that?" Stefan frowned, replying "No. But I wanted to.."

* * *

**Crossover Outtake: Supernatural&Vampire Diaries:**

Damon and Dean had another argument. Somewhere along the way Dean snapped "Bite me, Salvatore!" Needless to say, Damon was more than happy to oblige. Stefan walked into the room to see Dean stumbling around, looking dazed. "Damon. What did you do?" Stefan whispered horrified. Damon shrugged, knocking back a glass of bourbon, "He told me to.." Dean laughed "Dude.. I think you gave me a hickey.." Then he fainted.


	7. Season Two Part III

**A/N: Sorry for waiting so long to update.. I've been trying to see the funnier side to Season Two, but I just couldn't. My family and I have been through hell these last few months and I've found myself in a constant state of depression.. Few people have helped me see a reason to keep trying. One of them; I may never speak to again. In 1864Human Damon's words: "We're at.. irreparable odds.."**

* * *

_A/N: Okay, so I know I said that after Season Two comes out it'd strictly be SEASON TWO, but I was watching Blood Brothers with my brother and cousins. And my brother helped me write this. XD We were laughing so hard and miming the characters. How we believed they would act. It was hilarious._

* * *

**Season One Outtake:**

**Blood Brothers**

_"Our actions are what sets things in motion, but we have to live with that."_

_"It hurts me. It hurts me, knowing what I've done. And that pain, that pain is with me all the time. And every day I think that if I just ... If I just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy. And every day I fight that, and I am so terrified that one day I'm not gonna want to fight that anymore. The next time I hurt somebody, it could be you."_

* * *

A sigh cut Stefan's speech short. "Fine. Stay out here. I hope the sun fries your ass." Stefan's head snapped up and he ran towards the retreating figure, throwing his arms around the stiff form. Damon growled "If you try kissing me, I'll kill you, Stefan.." Stefan just grinned as Damon became rigid in his embrace. "Stefan.. that better be a flashlight in your pocket.." Damon whispered dangerously. Stefan laughed, "Nope!" Damon's eyes widened "What the f-"

* * *

**Season Two:**

**Rose**

Damon snapped his phone open and pressed speed dial. The call was answered almost immediately. Damon spoke quickly, "I just need to say this once. And I need you to hear it. I love you. And it's because I love you that I don't deserve you. But my brother does.." "Umm.. okay? Thanks.." The voice on the other end of the phone replied awkwardly, nervously. Damon froze, wide eyed. "_Jeremy?_" The youngest Gilbert laughed nervously, saying "Awkward.." "Where is your sister?" "Why? Are you in love with her too?" Jeremy said, chuckling. "You weren't supposed to hear that! _Where is she?_" "The bathroom. I answered her phone for her." Damon closed his phone, embarrassed. Jeremy tossed Elena's cell phone onto her bed as his sister entered the room. "Who was that?" Elena asked, confused. Jeremy shrugged, fighting back laughter, replying "Wrong number."


	8. Season Two Part IV

**A/N: Sorry for the late update. Lot has been going on. And I've been busy. Once again, I do not own Halloween. Vampire Diaries. Or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.**

* * *

_**Season 1 Outtake:**_

**Outtake from "The Lost Girls"**

"_What_ are _you?_" Elena cried. Stefan took a deep, unnecessary breath before saying, "I'm a vampire." "No. _What are you?_" Elena nearly screamed. "I'm a _vampire._ God! You're annoying!" Stefan snapped. Elena's face crinkled in confusion. "You're a what?" "A vampire." "No, no, no. Repeat that. Because it sounded like you said 'Vampire'." "I did say vampire." "No. You didn't. You said something that sounded like 'Vampire.' Say it again." Stefan slammed the door in her face, muttering, "Dumbass."

* * *

**Outtake from "Brave New World"**

"It's the same as the bracelet Elena gave you…" Stefan said discreetly to Jeremy. Jeremy brought the herb to his nose, breathing in its scent. "Really? It smells kinda like weed..." Stefan made an uncomfortable noise before swiping the plant and replacing it with another, clearing his throat "Wrong plant…" Jeremy's eyebrows rose so high they vanished into his hair.

**Outtake from "The House Guest"**

"Hey, Elena..." "Hey, Bonnie!" "So, how would you feel if I started dating your Aunt Jenna?" "That's great! I'm so happy for you – wait. _What?"_

* * *

_**Crossover Outtake:**_

**Crossover Outtake Halloween and Vampire Diaries**

Damon wandered the street, confused. It was a quarter til midnight. And on _Halloween_ of all days. A girl ran past him, wearing only an over-sized t-shirt. Damon's eyebrows nearly went into his hair. "What the hell?" He turned around and saw a guy in a white mask and coveralls standing behind him. "Oh, _shit._" Damon murmured. Damon's animal instincts took over. He bit Michael Myers and blurred away, grabbing the girl on his way out yelling "Screw this shit! I'm outta here! I've seen the movies. You always come back!"

* * *

**Outtake from any episode**

"Elena… Bonnie and I saw you. Having sex. With Damon." Jeremy muttered. Elena looked at him, horrified, shouting, "I am _not_ having sex with _Damon! _But I'm starting to think that _you_ might be!" Jeremy's face flushed as he yelled back, "That's beside the point, Elena!" Elena's jaw dropped. She looked at Bonnie. "Bonnie, did you know about this?" Bonnie swallowed hard, turning away. Jeremy cleared his throat, putting in, "Bonnie likes to watch…"

**Rewrite of the same scene:**

"Elena, we saw you. And Damon. With the straddling..." Jeremy muttered. "Damon's _mine!_" A chipper female voice chimed out, "Who's straddling Damon?" A bouncy, flouncy Elena pranced into the room. Standing next to a horrified Jeremy. "I get it!" Alaric said, nodding, "They're _both_ Elena!" The real Elena scowled, "_Nooo_. She's a _robot._ You guys couldn't tell me apart from a freakin' robot?" Everyone cast their eyes to the floor. Ashamed.

**Outtake from "The Last Dance"**

"So, when Klaus comes, I'll be ready for him." Bonnie nodded. "Ha-ha!" Klaus-Alaric laughed, "Like any of you can take on the Dark Master!" Everyone looked at him with "Wtf?" expressions. Klaus-Alaric swallowed, mumbling, "… Bator..."


	9. Season Two Part V  Partly Season Three

_Crossover Outtake:_

**Buffy the Vampire Slayer & The Vampire Diaries**

"You're right. He's evil," the Buffy-Bot chimed cheerfully. "But, you should see him naked. Like, really." She added with a nod. Alaric, Caroline, Stefan, Bonnie and Elena shuddered in disgust. Jeremy cleared his throat, uncomfortably and raised his hand. Saying nervously, "Uh… already have…" Everyone whirled to face him, staring at him in shock as Damon entered the room. The elder Salvatore gazed around the room, mumbling "What?"

**Outtake from "The Last Dance"**

"Klaus is more evil than we thought.." Damon murmured. Elena and Stefan wore fearful looks. "I mean, getting inside, Alaric? Not even I could be that evil and perverted." "You're right." Elena whispered, apprehensively. "And now, I shall commence to kill that stupid, brown-haired girl in the corner." Klaus-Alaric said cheerfully. "_Me?"_ Dana cried, horror-stricken. "Not you, Dana!" Everyone in the room shouted in unison. Damon cleared his throat, saying "Yeah… bye." He turned and pushed his way through the crowd. "Damon!" Elena cried, "Where are you going?" "I'm gonna go save my witchy true love." Damon said. "_Bonnie?_ You're choosing Bonnie over _me?_" "Well, yeah. I finally got my priorities straight. And while we're on it, Stefan's been doing Jeremy. See ya!" Damon vanished, leaving Elena with a guilt-ridden Stefan.

* * *

_Season Three Outtake_

**Outtake from "The Ties That Bind"**

"I have a confession to make," Jeremy says nervously, swallowing hard. "And it's not because I feel guilty that it happened. It's because I feel guilty that you don't know." Elena, Alaric, Stefan, Bonnie and Caroline all nodded. Jeremy took a deep breath, "I kissed Damon." Everyone's jaws dropped.

**Rewrite of the same scene:**

"I kissed Damon." Elena proclaimed. "Really?" Jeremy asked, shocked. Elena nodded. "I did too." Jeremy breathed out, eyes wide. "_What?_" Elena gaped at him.

**Outtake from "Bad Mood Rising"**

Caroline and Stefan raced through the woods, fearful. Caroline skidded to a stop, whirling to face Stefan. "_What is it?_" She cried, trembling. Stefan took a deep, shuddery, breath, before saying "It's Paris Hilton! She will try to kill you and she _can!_" Caroline's eyes widened as she covered her mouth to muffle a scream.

* * *

_Season Three Outtake_

**Outtake from "Bringing Out The Dead"**

"Something tells me you want what's in that coffin a _looooot_ more." Damon drawled, his gaze drifting from Klaus's feet to his head. "Did you just check me out?" Klaus said, shocked. "No!" Damon said, stepping back, "I did _not!_" "Something tells me you did just check me out." Klaus said, thoughtfully. "No. I was just.. admiring your jeans." Damon said awkwardly. "Admiring what about my jeans?" The hybrid crossed his arms. "How.. uh.. snug.. they fit." Damon stammered. "Well, this conversation's gotten awkward and furthermore, making me uncomfortable." Klaus said, "I think I shall be going now." He walked to the door. "Yep." Damon muttered, following him.


End file.
